That word we all know. That word some know far too well. That word we cover up like some unsightly blemish on our appearance. Because God-forbid that word makes us seem...human.
I had a meltdown today. It wasn't a pretty sight, nor is it something I was excited to have visit my emotionally crazy mind. As I sat in a heap upon my floor weeping and carrying on like a two year old, I began verbally punishing myself, throwing words back at that red-faced, blurry-eyed, eyeliner-smeared wreck trembling back at me in the mirror.
"What is WRONG with you? How old are you again? Why can't you just move on? You realize you mentor other girls, right? People look UP to you. Would they look up to THIS if they saw you right now? You know you're being immature. STOP IT. STOP CRYING."
It sounds a bit harsh, but that's the exact scene from this afternoon. It was very messy...but it was real.
We don't have too many "real moments" these days. It's a competition on who can make their online life make Barbie jealous. The perfect life, perfect adventures, perfect smile, perfect body, perfect relationships, perfect family, perfect name, perfect profile picture, perfect deep quotes....
....But I'm not that.
I'm a hot mess who can't even get her eyeliner to look the same on her eyes. Who has more curves than she can count. Who trips 300 times a day and laughs too loud. Who still takes blurry photos and has a deep-seated fear of jellyfish. We all can't be gifted with such talent.
As I stained the carpet with my tears, several thoughts entered my mind. Write these down:
1. Emotions are normal.
Do you emote? Congratulations! You are NORMAL! Great job, you passed that test! Pat yourself on the back and sniffle a little longer because what you're feeling and experiencing is tried and true normal. And if you're Italian, this is life. And, if you're BOTH Italian AND Portuguese all rolled into one....Heaven help you. Bless your heart.
2. No one expects you to be perfect.
Where did that standard become expected of you? Who on earth really believes you can achieve such a standard? You chose it for yourself. You might want to reconsider that title.
3. We aren't looking for perfect people- we look for honest, genuine people
I've never looked up to those people with the spotless social media. To be honest....they intimidate me. Why is your laundry always done and folded and room look like something off Pinterest? I just dropped pot-pie on my shoe as I'm tripping over the dog and I'm already five minutes late for work.
4. You won't actually melt and die if you have a meltdown.
I'm fairly certain this is an established fact...I believe it's good to cover all our bases.
5. You aren't a failure.
We tend to use these "all" or "never" words when we find ourselves in an emotionally heated moment. Do I always have meltdowns? No. Do I always have it together? Haha. You can answer that one.
Sure, you dearly wanted life to go a certain way, or maybe your hopes and dreams were unexpectedly dashed and you're too stunned to do anything but cry.
You're on the brink of something. You recognize something in your life went "kapoot" and you're now faced with a decision: do I stay on this dripping carpet, or do I take a few more deep breaths, pray, vocalize everything I feel, and begin to rise?
Carpets leave weird imprints on your skin.